radical relationship part 1

part 1 relationships: central to life

This morning we begin a new sermon series on family & relationships. I chose to call this series “radical relationships” because that is the end goal of this series: to achieve radical relationships. 

What do I mean by radical?  One of the dictionary definitions of radical is: thoroughgoing or extreme, especially as regards change from accepted or traditional forms.  It seems that the accepted form of relationships in our society is mediocrity.

I recall hearing men in the locker room boasting about the number of women they have “scored” with.  I’ve conversed with men who referred to their wives as the “old ball and chain.”  You can look at statistics on divorce. 

According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%

As I understand it, the statistics in the Church are no different. 

Fatherless America: Confronting Our Most Urgent Social Problem by David Blankenhorn

“The United States is becoming an increasingly fatherless society. A generation ago, an American child could reasonably expect to grow up with his or her father. Today, an American child can reasonably expect not to. Fatherlessness is now approaching a rough parity with fatherhood as a defining feature of American childhood.

This astonishing fact is reflected in many statistics, but here are the two most important. Tonight, about 40 percent of American children will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live. Before they reach the age of eighteen, more than half of our nation's children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhood living apart from their fathers.”

FAIL.  That is just a sample.  But these statistics and statements are certainly reflective of a culture whose accepted form of relationships is less than stupendous.

Let us at new covenant fellowship say no.  We will not accept such a form.  Let us strive to make our relationships radically different from the accepted form.  Let’s have thoroughgoing, extreme relationships.  Let’s have relationships that people look at and say I want that.  Let’s strive for radical relationships.

This series won’t be heavily theological, but we will certainly be drawing from the Bible.  It will include some philosophical, psychological and sociological perspectives.  Some of this will be drawing from my own experiences, perspectives and opinions. 

Whatever else this sermon series is, my ultimate goal with it is that it would be practical and beneficial.  At the center of our teaching at NCF is loving God and loving others.  That is the foundation upon which all else is built.  That is the motivation behind our actions.  That is the exhortation in the midst of every message we preach whether explicitly stated or unspoken.  And this sermon series is intended to equip us to do that better.

If loving God and loving others is the big panoramic picture this sermon series will be some close up shots.  If loving God and loving others is the skeleton, this sermon series will be the meat on the bones.  If loving God and loving others is the path, this sermon series will be the lamp that lights that path. It will be Beneficial.

In a sense, THIS SERMON SERIES WILL BENEFIT ALL: agnostic, atheist, polytheist, monotheist, Muslim, Christian.  Don’t misunderstand me; I’ll be preaching and teaching with Biblical foundations and on Biblical premises, but the precepts we discuss will be for the most part universally accepted, applicable and beneficial to all.  This should be beneficial to just about anybody…because no matter who you are, what you believe, and what your background is,

YOURE HUMAN AND HUMANS ARE RELATIONAL BY NATURE.  In the movie Cast Away, Tom Hanks plays a FedEx employee stranded on an uninhabited island after his plane crashes in the South Pacific. The film depicts his successful attempts to survive on the island using remnants of his plane's cargo, as well as his eventual escape and return to society.

During a first attempt to make fire, Chuck receives a deep wound to his hand. In anger he throws several objects, including a Wilson Sporting Goods volleyball from one of the packages. A short time later he draws a face in the bloody hand print on the ball, names it Wilson and begins talking to it…[carrying on] regular conversations and arguments with Wilson.

This is a movie, not the Bible.  But I think it communicates a valuable truth about our nature.  We were created for relationships.  We are relational by nature.  We seek relationships, we desire them, we thrive on them and we are lonely without them.  With no other human beings to talk to Tom Hanks’ character is lonely and in essence creates Wilson with whom he can have a relationship.  Humans are relational by nature.  We are relational beings.

My mentor Mark Roberts once said that life is 97% relationships.  That was an arbitrary figure to make the point that life revolves around relationships.  Even if your job is more task oriented, at some point you interact with supervisors and coworkers.  And even in the time when you’re not, if you’re simply doing your task, think about what you think about when you’re doing that task.  How often is it that you’re thinking about people with whom you are in relationship?  When I’m at work, I often think about my family, my wife and my kids.  I think about you guys.  Life revolves around relationships.

When we’re at work doing our tasks and our phone buzzes it’s tempting to immediately check that phone.  We want to find out who is texting or calling or emailing because we’re likely to be more interested in pursuing this relational interaction than the task at hand.  Life revolves around relationships. 

Relationships outside of work can affect us at work.  Have you ever had a rift in a relationship?  How did that affect your ability to focus, concentrate, and be productive?  Until that issue is resolved, it’s likely to have a negative impact on those things.

Personally, if Bre and I are not on 100% excellent terms, my day, my mind, and my life can be affected very negatively.  Because life revolves around relationships.  And if my primary human relationship, the one in which I joined my life to another in marriage as one flesh and made a covenant till death do us part, if there is something about that relationship that is not quite right, then my life which revolves around relationships is to a degree not quite right.  To the degree that my relationships are healthy, my life is healthy.

Life revolves around relationships.  This is why phones exist.  I think with modern technology, we may tend to forget this, but phones used to have cords on them.  They weren’t mobile.  And the only thing you could do on them is talk.  Why would such a device exist?  For relationships!  To interact with PEOPLE. 

Now our phones are far more than phones and we kind of freak out if we leave it at home because it’s far more than simply a device we use to talk to people.  Now they are not only a means of communication, but also our GPS navigators, our mp3 players, Gameboys on crack and a medium for watching movies.  There’s nothing wrong with any of those things, they are great, but we can fall into the trap of forgetting what they were originally created for PEOPLE…RELATIONSHIPS…and we should be careful not to allow them to become a distraction that hinders our RELATIONSHIPS with PEOPLE.  We can fall victim to the act of doing a task on our phone to the neglect of the real life people in our presence.

But phones can be great for enabling us to enrich and maintain relationships: to call, text, email.  This is why Facebook exists.  To enrich and maintain relationships with PEOPLE.  There is even a feature that updates friends that so and so is now in a relationship with so and so.  Because life revolves around relationships.

Think about it: why are people lonely?  Is it because they need a bigger TV?  Is it because they need more money?  Is it because they need a fancier car or designer clothing?  Would they be less lonely then?  No.  PEOPLE ARE LONELY DUE TO LACK OF RELATIONSHIP.  RELATIONSHIPs are fulfilling.  Remember our Cast Away character Tom Hanks and his need for relationship…hence, Wilson.  Relationships are fulfilling because we were created for relationship. 

It seems that our level of inner peace and joy is in direct proportion to how well our relationships are going.

So I think you get the picture by now.  As humans, we are relational beings and life revolves around relationships.  Since that is the case, let’s strive for radical relationships.  Since the degree of health in our relationships is in a sense directly proportional to the level of health in our life, let’s take our relationships from…

HURTING TO HEALTHY (key theme for this series as we strive for radical relationships).  Our relationships may be stagnant at times, but it seems that more often they are moving in either one direction or another.  Our relationships may be going from healthy to hurting or from hurting to healthy.  Each week I hope to share at least one take-away, one precept that will help us take our relationships from hurting to healthy.  This week’s concept that I hope to leave you with that will resonate with you is this:

In a broad sense, relationships are generally more important than tasks, things, and goals.

We should strive to (whenever possible) prioritize people over projects, possessions, and positions.

I would be willing to bet that the statistics I shared at the beginning about divorce rates and fatherlessness would be radically altered if our culture would embrace those ideas.

I think we can learn a few things from Jesus’ interactions and teachings in the gospel.  He commended what was right and condemned the wrong.  He lived right and made a lesson out of those who did not, namely the religious leaders.

Mark 2:23-27 ²³ One Sabbath Jesus was going through the grainfields, and as his disciples walked along, they began to pick some heads of grain. ²⁴ The Pharisees said to him, “Look, why are they doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath?”  (focused on the task, not the people.  Their goal was to do and enforce what was “lawful”)

 ²⁵ He answered, “Have you never read what David did when he and his companions were hungry and in need? (here’s Jesus’ reply – focused on the need of people) ²⁶ In the days of Abiathar the high priest, he entered the house of God and ate the consecrated bread, which is lawful only for priests to eat. And he also gave some to his companions.”

 ²⁷ Then he said to them, “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.^”

The religious leaders were more focused on the task of doing and enforcing what was lawful.  You can’t pick grain on the Sabbath.  That task is forbidden on this day.  Wait a minute.  Isn’t this task of picking grain for the purpose of making the person better since he like needs to eat?  Wasn’t the task to observe the Sabbath created to benefit man by giving him a day of rest?  Aren’t the rules you point to created for the purpose of the good of the people?  So, aren’t we concerned with the good of people here?  God didn’t create people to serve the Sabbath but the Sabbath to serve and benefit people. 

In a broad sense, relationships are generally more important than tasks, things, and goals.

We should strive to (whenever possible) prioritize people over projects, possessions, and positions.

In the parallel account in Matt 12 we read Matt 12:9-12

⁹ Going on from that place, (the place where they were picking grain) he went into their synagogue, ¹⁰ and a man with a shriveled hand was there. Looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, they asked him, “Is it lawful to heal on the Sabbath?” (same issue at hand – what is lawful on the Sabbath; their focus is on that task)

¹¹ He said to them, “If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? ¹² How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! (again, here’s Jesus showing the value of PEOPLE) Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.” (It seems like the implication there is that it is lawful to do good to PEOPLE)

Again, the religious leaders were more focused on the task of obeying and enforcing what was lawful.  You can’t heal people on the Sabbath.  That task is forbidden on this day.  Wait a minute.  Isn’t this task of healing for the purpose of making the person better since he like has a shriveled hand?  Wasn’t the task of observing the Sabbath created to benefit man by giving him a day of rest?  Aren’t the rules you point to created for the purpose of the good of the PEOPLE?  So, aren’t we concerned with the good of people here?  You would grab your sheep out of a pit on the Sabbath, right?  Aren’t PEOPLE more valuable than sheep?  People are valuable.  But these religious leaders were more concerned with the task than they were with people.  People are more important than tasks.

Look at how this section ends in Matt 12:13-14 ¹³ Then he said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” So he stretched it out and it was completely restored, just as sound as the other. ¹⁴ But the Pharisees went out and plotted how they might kill Jesus.

Jesus threatened their position and they valued position over people.  They valued their position of leadership so much that they went out and plotted the death of the man that threatened their position.

Jesus consistently commends a view that values people and he consistently condemns a view that values other things over people and relationships.

Matt 15:1-6 ¹ Then some Pharisees and teachers of the law came to Jesus from Jerusalem and asked, ²“Why do your disciples break the tradition of the elders? They don’t wash their hands before they eat!”

 ³ Jesus replied, “And why do you break the command of God for the sake of your tradition? ⁴ For God said, ‘Honor your father and mother’ and ‘Anyone who curses his father or mother must be put to death.’ ⁵ But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, ‘Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,’ ⁶ he is not to ‘honor his father’ with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition.

Honoring your father and mother was one of the Ten Commandments and part of that was to take care of them when they grow old.  Yet these religious leaders participated in a tradition that allowed them to not honor their father and mother in that way.  I would help you survive with this money but it’s going to be a gift devoted to God.  They were more concerned with appearing pious than providing for PEOPLE.  Again, misplaced priority – should’ve been on the PEOPLE. 

They were concerned with their phylacteries and their tassels and the prominent seats and being greeted in the marketplace.  Their focus, their priority was in the wrong place.  It should have been on PEOPLE and Jesus exposes their error.

Matt 23:23-24  ²³ “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You give a tenth of your spices—mint, dill and cummin. But you have neglected the more important matters of the law—justice, mercy and faithfulness. You should have practiced the latter, without neglecting the former. ²⁴ You blind guides! You strain out a gnat but swallow a camel.

Here go the religious leaders again focused on the task of observing & enforcing the Law.  Yet, notice their selectivity.  It was easy to measure out their spices so they could give a tenth.  Yet they neglected the commands that were more directly concerned with PEOPLE like justice, mercy and faithfulness.  Notice what Jesus says about these PEOPLE-centered laws –they were more important.  Again, wrong priorities.  People should take priority.

Matt 23:15 “Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You travel over land and sea to win a single convert, and when he becomes one, you make him twice as much a son of hell as you are.

Jesus condemned the religious leaders because they put so much effort into getting people to believe the right things, but once they got their convert to believe the right thing, they led them into atrocious behavior.  They made them twice as much a son of hell that they themselves were.

The religious leaders seemed to have their doctrine down pat; they got a lot of information right.  But their life and the way they treated people, not so much.  Today, we can be guilty of the same type of thing.  We can have scripture memorized.  We can know the bible inside out but if we aren’t living out the love that it prescribes and valuing people and relationships, what good is it?

Jesus consistently commends a view that values and prioritizes people and relationships and he consistently condemns a view that values other things over people and relationships.

I tend to be a very task-oriented individual.  And to make matters worse I tend to be a mono-tasking individual.  I do not multitask well.  That means that I have to be very intentional not to allow a task I’m doing to eclipse a relational exchange.

Just last night Anika came in my room as I was getting ready to go jogging.  She wanted to come with me so I let her.  I was in task mode.  I’m running here because I need exercise.  I had a goal.  No sooner did we get going and she wanted to walk.  But the goal was not walking, it was running.  So I had to flip the switch in my mind that says this is a relational encounter and this PERSON is more important than this TASK.  So I walked with her and when she was tired I picked her up and gave her a piggy back ride around the neighborhood and we talked as I intentionally prioritized our RELATIONSHIP over my TASK.  And it was worth it.  It always is.

Perhaps you can relate?  Maybe you’ve had to flip the same switch in your mind.  Have you ever been playing a game with friends and family and get so caught up in wanting to win the game that you end up getting mad at your spouse or your best friend because they made a move that jeopardized your win?  What is that about?  Why did we start the game in the first place?  Was it not for the purpose of the relational experience?  Then, about ten minutes in somehow winning this game became life’s end GOAL, the most important TASK one can do, life’s greatest achievement.  We must be careful not to let a task or a goal eclipse a relational experience.

Are there times when a task may take precedence?  Probably.  If your boss has made it clear that when you’re on the clock you better not be on your phone or in someone else’s cube, I’m thinking the task of work will probably have to take priority there.  But when you get off the clock, priorities shift! 

Maybe if it’s the day before taxes are due and you need to shut yourself in the room to get that task done, while some amazing fellowship is happening in the living room.  In that sense the task may receive priority. 

Sometimes those things are unavoidable and we should use wisdom and discernment in those decisions.  This isn’t an exact science.  It’s an art.  It’s the art of prioritizing people over projects, possessions and positions, prioritizing relationships over things, tasks, goals, and agendas.

I don’t think we will be on our deathbed regretting all the time we spent with people when we should have been doing more tasks.  I don’t think we will be at the funeral of a loved one saying “I spent too much time with that PERSON.  I valued their relationship way too much.  I wish I would have spent more of that time doing more tasks.”  Chances are, if there are regrets, they will be the other way around.  “I didn’t spend enough time with that PERSON.  I now see how valuable their relationship was.”  I don’t want us to have regrets like that.  I want us to have radical relationships that communicate to the people in our lives, “I value YOU.”

I don’t mean to convey the idea that people and tasks are mutually exclusive.  What I do mean to convey is priority and purpose.  Jesus seems to make the case that tasks, things, and goals exist for the purpose of the betterment of people. 

INTERRUPTIONS?  So what do we do when we are in the middle of an important task and a PERSON interrupts us?  Do we always just drop it and interact with that person?  Ultimately, if a task is interrupted, we need to discern if task is truly urgent.  Must I finish this first or do I just want to?  If it’s that I simply want to but don’t have to, it’s possible that it moves into the realm of selfish motives.

We should strive to see interruptions as invitations.  PEOPLE are inviting us into a RELATIONAL encounter.  Whenever possible, let’s accept that invite.

Since we are relational beings, since we were ultimately created for relationships, let’s live like it.  Let’s prioritize our relationships over things that could eclipse them.  Let’s prioritize people over projects, possessions and positions.

Let’s move our relationships from hurting to healthy.  Let’s strive to develop radical relationships.

www.ncfgeorgetown.com  Church in Georgetown, Texas. Reformed church Georgetown, Texas Preterist church Georgetown Texas. Pastor David Boone. Sermon audio mp3 sermon download Full Preterism. Covenant Eschatology. New Covenant Fellowship Georgetown. Page House 10:00 am Loving God. Loving Others. Realized eschatology fulfilled eschatology  Preterist church Austin Texas.  Bible church Austin Texas Second coming of Jesus Christ churches in Austin area. Churches in Georgetown TX

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