Part
4 grace: forgiving & being forgiven
Last week, I set before you four principles which are
essential in taking our relationships from hurting to healthy, from stagnant
and dying to dynamic and maturing.
Those four elements or principles are unconditional
love, grace, empowerment, and intimacy.
To the degree that these elements are present our relationships will be
dynamic and maturing. To the degree that
these elements are absent, our relationships will be stagnant and dying.
The beginning point for healthy relationships is
unconditional love. This unconditional
love provides the kind of security in relationships for grace to develop; in an
atmosphere of grace, people have the freedom to empower one another. Empowerment leads to the possibility of
intimacy. Intimacy leads to a deeper
commitment and reinforces unconditional love.
So these four elements, in a sense work in a sort of cycle. This healthy cycle leads to healthy homes and
dynamic, mature relationships.
On the other hand, when family members withhold one or
more of these elements from one another, growth in relationships is blocked or
retarded, beginning an unhealthy cycle, moving families into a state of
stagnation or deterioration. Rather than
unconditional love, in a hurting relationship, love becomes conditional, law
replaces grace, possessive power replaces empowerment and distance replaces
intimacy which reinforces conditional love. Unhealthy cycle.
Last week, we camped out on the importance of covenant
commitment rooted in and expressed by unconditional love. That is the foundational starting point for
healthy homes and radical relationships.
This morning we will move into grace, which is closely connected to
unconditional love. What we explore this
morning through grace will overlap quite a bit with unconditional love.
What exactly do we mean by grace?
Grace literally means: unmerited favor, undeserved mercy.
Typical relationships among humans are not
characterized by grace. Rather, most
relationships typically consist of people whose mentality is: you wronged me
and I deserve retribution; I will get you back; I will make you suffer for
making me suffer; you hurt me so I’ll hurt you; you sinned against me and I’m
not going to forgive you. I demand
justice. I want what I deserve. That’s the mindset that characterizes
individuals in many relationships around us in our culture.
Radical relationships on the other hand are
characterized by grace, undeserved mercy. Throughout
life, people will do things to us that are wrong, treating us in ways that we
don’t deserve to be treated. Rather than
responding to such treatment with a mentality that demands justice,
let’s strive for responses that seek to grant grace, extending the mercy that they
don’t deserve.
At the beginning of this series I mentioned that the
precepts that we share will be universally beneficial to both believers and
non-believers alike. The concept of
grace is no different. People who think
the whole Jesus thing is just cooky would still like to be treated with mercy,
they would still like to be shown grace.
Put yourself in the shoes of a convicted killer. Though you know you are guilty and deserve
punishment, though you know that you deserve justice, you would like to receive
mercy. You wouldn’t say you don’t
deserve to be punished for your crime chances are, but you would probably like
to be shown mercy.
Most people, regardless of their theological
convictions, embrace the idea of treating others how
one would like to be treated.
Since people typically would like to be granted grace and shown mercy,
it follows that grace should be granted to others.
However, I believe that for the believer, one who
grasps God’s grace, one who has experienced His mercy, this concept of grace will
be much easier to embrace and employ.
Let’s open our Bibles to Matt 18. There we
find a most marvelous parable of Jesus. Remember that parables are made up stories,
stories about things that didn’t really happen, but are told for the purpose of
teaching a spiritual truth. Most of
Jesus’ parables are either directly about or related to the kingdom of
God. This one in Matt 18 is no different;
our next sermon series will actually be about the kingdom, so we are getting a
little ahead of ourselves here, but that’s okay because so much of kingdom life
has to do with relationships.
Remember that parables are typically told to make a primary point
and that point is what we are seeking to find. He begins to tell the parable in
verse 23
Matthew 18:23 Therefore, the kingdom
of heaven is like…
We see a “therefore.” Remember, when we see a “therefore” we
ask “what’s it there for?” To build on what was just said, so
we get to practice the wonderful hermeneutical principle of the rule of context: context rules. So
let’s go back a few verses to verse 21.
Matt 18:21-35 21Then Peter
came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when
he sins against me? Up to seven times? Jesus answered, “I tell you,
not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
So our context is forgiveness towards brothers when sinned against
by them.
22Jesus answered, "I tell you, not
seven times, but seventy-seven times. (or 70 times 7 as some
translations say)
23"Therefore, (based on
what I just said which was that forgiveness should not be limited to a number
of times but extensive) the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted
to settle accounts with his servants. 24As he began the
settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand talents was brought
to him. (per my footnote: millions of dollars ie- an amount that was
impossible to pay back) 25Since he
was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children
and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.
26"The servant fell on his knees before
him.
'Be patient with me,' he begged, 'and I will pay back everything.' 27The
servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.
He
was granted grace. He deserved to have
his family and possessions sold to pay back the debt but the master was
merciful. He showed him the undeserved
mercy, the unmerited favor that is grace.
28"But
when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a
hundred denarii (per footnote: a few dollars (no biggie but I think a
denarius was a day’s wage so this would be a few months wages, still though,
much, much smaller than the huge amount he was forgiven) . He
grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.
29"His fellow servant fell to his knees
and begged him, 'Be patient with me, and I will pay you back.' (sound familiar?)
30"But he refused. Instead, he went off
and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31When
the other servants saw what had happened, they were greatly distressed and went
and told their master everything that had happened.
32"Then the master called the servant
in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because
you begged me to. 33Shouldn't you have had mercy on your
fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34In
anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should
pay back all he owed.
35"This is how my heavenly Father will
treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
What is the meaning?
Remember: our context is forgiveness towards brothers when sinned
against by them.
So we need to identify a few key points of reference. AS I UNDERSTAND IT:
the king = God
his servants = his people
owed him ten thousand talents = it seems that this
huge debt that is impossible to pay back represents the indebtedness of man
toward God for sin, ie sin debt.
he was not able to pay = a human’s sin debt to God is an
amount that is impossible to pay back
The servant's master took pity on him, canceled the debt and
let him go = Christ died for sin and cancelled the sin debt of believers
28"But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow
servants who owed him a hundred denarii = a few dollars ie-a small debt
that could be repaid = sin against another human, which by comparison to
humans’ sin against God is super-miniscule, NOTHING
He grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!'
he demanded = A human was failing to forgive another human for sin against him
and was holding him to that “sin-debt” (though he, himself was forgiven of a
much larger sin-debt)
29"His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, 'Be
patient with me, and I will pay you back.' (this servant asked to be shown the
same mercy from his fellow servant the king showed)
30"But he refused (the human refused to forgive his
fellow human)
32"Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,'
he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to (God had forgiven him
of all his sin – He canceled a debt that the human could never pay back)
33Shouldn't you have had
mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' (v33 teaches the
primary point – the servant should have had mercy on his fellow servant just as
the master had on him)
Jesus drives the point home with these 6 words: forgive your
brother from your heart."
What is the precept that we can take from the text and apply to
our lives?
The precept needs to be:
·
Timeless truth (not bound by time – as true for
them then as it is for me today)
·
Cross-cultural (not bound by culture – as true
for them there as it is for me here)
·
Based on the author’s intended meaning (not based on
what I want the text to say)
·
Consistent with the rest of Scripture (cannot
contradict the teachings elsewhere in Scripture)
This is the precept that I formulated. Yours should be
similar; it may not be identical, but it should resemble this to a great
degree: Because believers have been granted grace, forgiven by God
for such a great debt of sin, they should extend that grace to others and
forgive them from the heart.
·
Is this timeless? Is this as true for Jesus’
original audience as it is for you and I today? YES!
·
Is this cross-cultural? Is this as true for Americans as
it is for those living in Japan? YES!
·
Is it based on the author’s intended meaning? YES!
·
Is it consistent with the rest of Scripture?
YES!
So our precept works. Because believers have
been forgiven by God for such a great debt of sin, they should extend that
grace to others and forgive them from the heart. We could
even reduce it even further for simplicities’ sake, provided that it is still
timeless, cross cultural, based on the author’s intended meaning and congruent
with the rest of the teachings in Scripture. Simplified precept: Believers
should be gracious, forgiving others.
How each of us applies that
principle will vary. The time and place for applying that principle
is when a fellow human sins
against us.
A husband whose wife treats him disrespectfully and dishonors him
will apply this principle: Believers should be gracious,
forgiving others. And he will extend grace to his wife and forgive
her from the heart.
A kid at school getting picked on by a bully can apply this
principle: Believers should be gracious, forgiving others. And will
extend grace to that bully, forgiving him from the heart.
A victim of gossip or slander who has been hurt
by someone he thought was a friend. Lies
were spread behind his back with malicious intent. He will apply this
principle: Believers should be gracious,
forgiving others. And he will extend grace to
the one who spread the slander.
Again, while the world around us, even atheists would
probably agree that they would prefer to be granted grace would rather be shown
mercy and forgiveness than to have justice demanded of them, and to a degree
will grant grace and extend mercy, I believe that as believers we see and
experience something so beautiful, something so marvelous, something so
life-changing when we taste of the forgiveness of God, that granting grace for
us should be a no-brainer.
Sometimes we get theological amnesia; it somehow slips
our mind just how amazing God’s grace and forgiveness is and we move into law-bound
ways in which we fail to extend grace. But
when our spiritual eyes are calibrated properly and when we are looking through
the proper lenses, namely when we are seeing God’s glorious grace, his
forgiveness of our sins and his not counting them against us, it would seem
natural to pay that grace forward, to extend the same kind of grace to others.
Grace, then, becomes the native tongue for the believer
who learns to peak God’s divine language of undeserved mercy.
As I said last week, this all begins in the home. It begins with us cultivating healthy homes
in which family members experience grace and learn to live graciously who then
live out radical relationships in the world in which they grant grace.
GRACE
STANDS IN CONTRAST TO LEGALISM.
In a legalistic home, rule is stacked upon rule in such
a way that individuals are set up for failure.
Failure results in feeling less adequate, less loved, less of a
person.
In a grace-filled home, rules are limited and failure
to adhere to rules does not result in feeling less loved. There is the feeling of freedom to fail resulting in being empowered to
succeed. The result is a whole, healthy,
happy person.
In a legalistic home one walks on eggshells.
In a grace-centered home, one walks on clouds.
In a legalistic home one feels the pressure to perform,
yet comes to find that he can’t do anything right so he becomes paralyzed “why try
anything?”
In a grace-filled home, one knows that he is loved no
matter what, knows that when he does make mistakes it’s okay, one is empowered
an encouraged and he has the freedom to live.
A legalistic home is dark and dismal.
A grace-filled home is radiant, full of joy and peace.
RADICAL
RELATIONSHIPS ARE BUILT ON GRACE, NOT LAW.
For the analytical thinker this becomes a tricky topic since
the idea of grace seems to stand in contrast to law. This becomes a difficult balance in the home,
especially with regard to raising children.
If we propose developing households of grace does that mean that we
don’t have rules?
It is evident that a grace-filled home is not a home
without rules and regulations. A home
without rules is a chaotic home without order.
Rules and regulations are necessary.
How does a grace-filled home implement rules? That is a difficult question to answer. I don’t know the perfect answer, but I will
offer some suggestions.
SUGGESTION
#1: rules should have a good reason. If we tell our kids they can’t do something,
and they ask why, we should be able to give them a good answer. Now, I don’t think we are required to. By virtue of our position as parent we could
simply say “because I said so” and that would be sufficient. I’m the parent and I make the rules and you’re the
child and you follow them. I
don’t know about you, but I hated that answer “because I said so.” Again, I don’t think we have to give an
answer, but when you think about it, our rules should have a good reason behind
them.
If the rule is that the room must be cleaned before bed
time and the child asks why, there is actually a good reason behind that
rule. For starters, if the child wakes
up in the middle of the night and needs to use the restroom, we don’t want the
child stepping on leggos in the dark or tripping on toys and getting hurt. The same holds true for a parent who has to
go into the room to check on the child who wakes up screaming from a
nightmare. It also teaches children to
be responsible. If they learn to put
things where they go now, they will grow up building good habits of
organization, so that when they become adults, they don’t make a habit of
scrambling to look for lost wallets, glasses, and keys as they are running late
for work. That would be an example of
good reasoning behind a rule. Now don’t
misunderstand me, I’m not saying that you need to have this rule in your home,
I’m simply illustrating the fact that rules should have good reasons behind
them; they shouldn’t be made arbitrarily, or out of laziness or selfishness.
SUGGESTION
#2: less is more. The less rules we can impose upon family
members, the better. I believe we have
an excellent example of that in the way that God works with us, the way that He
has implemented a grace-centered relationship with us. He has said, “I
will not count your sins against you.
You are forgiven. All I ask of
you is that you would believe, put your faith in my Son, Jesus, love me and
love one another. That’s it.” This makes for such a gracious relationship
with our lord. Less is more when it
comes to rules in relationships.
SUGGESTION
#3: have more rules and more specific
rules with younger family members.
Loosen up as they get older. When
children are younger, they lack the capacity of mind to fully grasp the broad
precept of love others. They need to be
coached in very specific ways. If we
simply tell them love one another, they will likely say “yes sir” then in the next
five minutes hit their siblings take things out of people’s hands, draw on the
furniture, leave greasy hand prints on important documents. The younger the child, the more they need
things spelled out in specific ways. Don’t hit, that’s not loving. Share, that’s loving. Respect the belongings of others; that’s
loving. But the goal here is
not to have a household that is full of specific rules forever. Rather, the goal is to develop our children
in such a way that over time the multitude of specific rules morphs into a
short list of broad precepts. We want to
raise responsible children suitable for radical relationships in which they
simply love God and love their neighbor.
RULES
IMPLEMENTED IN LOVE
While they are young and while the rules are more
plentiful and more specific, we must take care to implement those rules in
grace, in love. Again, as we mentioned
last week in looking at unconditional love, discipline, is part of love, but
that discipline must be administered in loving, gentle, caring ways. We should strive to ensure that our demeanor,
our tone, our body language all communicate I love you; I forgive you. The goal is that they would walk away not
feeling like less of a person, but a more mature, responsible person with a
greater capacity to love.
Let’s make our households those which are characterized
by grace. Yes, there are roles, forms,
and structure and yes – rules, but they must be enforced in love.
WHAT
ABOUT WITH SPOUSE?
As adults, we are working with a spouse who was raised
in a different home. They may still have
habits formed in them by their parents that we feel are not best for our family
that we raise together. Working through
those differences can be tricky, since our spouse is not a two-year-old child
that we can simply discipline. That must
be done in grace, with patience, with love.
If my wife keeps leaving the toilet seat down after she
uses the restroom, I probably shouldn’t burst in the room and yell at her “how many times
do I need to tell you to put the seat up when you’re done?” There are more appropriate ways to get the
message across like just pee all over the seat.
We need to extend grace, allow for mistakes, forgive one another from the heart. And when we do have conversations with our
spouse about roles, order, structure, etc, we should do those at the right
time, in the right place, in the right way, with grace, patience and love.
It is important to communicate these things in a way
that our spouse feels like we are on the same team working toward a common
goal, not that we are on different teams trying to win battles against one
another.
Our homes should be homes of grace, homes characterized
by undeserved mercy, forgiving and being forgiven.
A beautiful illustration of grace
comes from Juan Carlos Ortiz…
Watching a trapeze show is breathtaking. We wonder at the
dexterity and timing. We gasp at near-misses. In most cases, there is a net
underneath. When they fall, they jump up and bounce back to the trapeze. In
Christ, we live on the trapeze. The whole world should be able to watch and
say, "Look how they live, how they love one another. Look how well the
husbands treat their wives. And aren't they the best workers in the factories
and offices, the best neighbors, the best students?" That is to live on
the trapeze, being a show to the world. What happens when we slip? The net is
surely there. The blood of our Lord, Jesus Christ, has provided forgiveness for
ALL our trespasses. Both the net and the ability to stay on the trapeze are
works of God's grace. Of course, we cannot be continually sleeping on the net.,
If that is the case, I doubt whether that person is a trapezist.
Though the trapeze artist seeks to connect every time,
the net provides the freedom to fail. He knows that if he fails, the net
will catch him, there is grace. But that
doesn’t make him want to fail, it empowers him to succeed.
I believe our homes should be characterized by the same
freedom to fail. By cultivating such an atmosphere, I believe,
family members will seek to succeed.
We might fear that an atmosphere with the freedom to fail will cause our family members to
carelessly walk in failure and live irresponsible and unproductive lives. However, I believe it is just the
opposite. I believe that when our homes
become homes of grace, an environment characterized by the freedom to fail, we empower our family members in
a way that makes them want to succeed.
Is this not true with our relationship with God? As his children, we know that we are loved
unconditionally, we have been granted undeserved
mercy; we have unmerited favor.
This doesn’t make us want to sin against him, but to be the best
children to him that we can and show him our love even more. With the freedom
of failure, we have been empowered to succeed. We don’t walk in condemnation and fear, but His perfect love has driven out fear. We fly fearlessly, upon the trapeze with the
greatest of ease.
NO
GRACE, NO INTIMACY
Remember, we are building principle upon principle,
beginning with covenant commitment rooted in unconditional love, which breeds
grace, leading to empowerment, that paves the way for intimacy. Intimacy is the exclamation point that punctuates
the truly radical relationship. But in
an environment without grace, we will never experience intimacy, because intimacy means
that I can share the depths of my soul, I can bear my all, I can come with all
of my warts and blemishes, all of my failures. But if my relationships aren’t characterized
by grace and there isn’t the freedom to fail
and how can I share all of me since part of me is my
shortcomings. The only place I can share
all of me, including my failures is in a place with grace. No grace no intimacy
We don’t want to create the kind of environment in
which our family members feel like “when I mess up there is no mercy, there is going
to be a tick mark against me and the tally is going. That tally represents what a terrible person
I am and how I can’t do anything right and with every offense, I am loved less.” We don’t want to create the kind of
atmosphere that demands perfection. That
is an unattainable goal and when it isn’t met there is shame and guilt.
We don’t want drinking milk to be a stressful event for
our children because they know that when they spill it, mom and dad are going
to come unglued and bring the hammer down.
Our family members need to know that when they mess up there is grace,
they will be forgiven, there is room for error, there is freedom to fail.
We are all sinners and all fall short of the
glory of God and the net of His grace lies beneath to catch us when we
fall.
Let’s share the net.
Let’s extend grace; with that grace come the freedom and peace that
characterize radical relationships.
www.ncfgeorgetown.com Church in Georgetown, Texas. Reformed church
Georgetown, Texas Preterist church Georgetown Texas. Pastor David Boone. Sermon
audio mp3 sermon download Full Preterism. Covenant Eschatology. New Covenant
Fellowship Georgetown. Page House 10:00 am Loving God. Loving Others. Realized
eschatology fulfilled eschatology
Preterist church Austin Texas.
Bible church Austin Texas Second coming of Jesus Christ churches in
Austin area. Churches in Georgetown TX
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